March 6, 2010

Today, I am grateful for….

1. My productive day even though I had slept in.
2. The great Mark Morris Dance Group performances at Krannert.
3. Another crazy week about to end.
4. My very competent right hand man for tonight.
5. Siobhan on American Idol.
6. The long battery life on my macbook.
7. Jimmy John’s.
8. Potato chips with only three listed ingredients.
9. Getting enough fruit servings for once.
10. Free food.
11. Pork fat.
12. Vivanno.
13. Patton Oswalt.
14. Jamie Oliver’s new show.
15. Discovering yet another new BBQ place in town.
16. A busy upcoming week completely unrelated to work.
17. Building momentum in getting things done on the home front.
18. Not worrying about running out of firewood
19. All new No Reservations.
20. Not having to file FSA claims anymore.
21. Alex Ross coming out with a new book.
22. Finishing nine more pages of writing.
23. An easy night at Krannert.
24. Warmer weather.
25. Multitasking during my down time.
26. My newly greased bike chain.
27. Jessica surprising me with dinner and Starbucks.
28. MS Office 2008 not pissing me off yet
29. Getting back on track in keeping up with this busy year.
30. Being able to check at least one item off my to do list on each day of this week.
31. A new set of restaurants to check out in town.
32. A cheerful Mark Morris.
33. Slowly figuring out what to give a shit about.
34. The possibility of the unknown affecting my life in the near future.
35. DVR
36. The self imposed deadline I gave myself for my book.
37. Vince Wilfork and Tully Banta Cain resigning with the Patriots.
38. Learning new things about old friends.
39. My PC still working well enough to use it for MS Money.
40. How quickly this week went.
41. Being productive.
42. Job security
43. A great part time job that gives me constant contact with creativity of the highest order
44. The great folks at Cook’s Illustrated
45. Some semblance of financial security after some scary and lean years
46. Jessica - everyday I am surprised at how much we love each other
47. Not worrying about where my next meal is coming from
48. Going two days without Facebook to distract me.
49. How exciting this year is shaping out to being.
50. How Jessica and I can’t seem to stay mad at each other for very long.
51. The Les Halles Cookbook
52. How much Jessica and I make each other laugh
53. The seasons and all the lessons nature can teach us through them.
54. Breathing
55. Any form of nuanced thinking
56. The pajamas that Jessica got me.
57. Keeping my cynicism in check
58. Still not completely believing in the concept of being comfortable
59. The ability to have some fucked up and entertaining dreams – Being forced to go back to my high school prom with no idea who my date is going to be.
60. Having a washer and dryer in our apartment
61. Mike Ross, the director of Krannert Center
62. Foreign languages
63. Life forcing me to multitask
64. The new colleague I’ll be working with at work.
65. The rush of positive thoughts and feelings I have every time I see Jessica
66. Tiki
67. My smart and talented friends old and new
68. My increasingly reliable intuition
69. My Brita filter especially on those days when Illinois Water decides to put WAY too much chlorine in it
70. The music playing in my head – This is It
71. Competent and dedicated coworkers at both of my jobs
72. How great I feel after riding my bike to work
73. This computer stand from Ikea
74. Jessica's cute faces
75. How Jessica can pick me up when all seems lost
76. How good of a listener Jessica can be
77. Google Wave
78. Suits that hide my potbelly.
79. Bill Simmons
80. No longer worrying if today will be the day our car will completely fall apart
81. My new Ted Baker glasses
82. The moktak that my mom sent me
83. The copy of the Korean Zen Buddhist prayer CD that my mom made me
84. How good cracking various joints feel
85. How quickly I’m able to get a haircut appointment.
86. Jackson 5 version of "Who's Loving You"
87. Everything I have yet to learn
88. My passion for music slowly returning
89. Our Simmons Beautyrest
90. The bizarre yet surprisingly effective baby talk that Jessica and I have developed for communicating
91. Jessica's hourglass figure
92. Memories, good and bad
93. The pavlovian response Jessica induces in me when I hear her keys just before she opens the door when coming home from work
94. My desire to seek out the positive in my life
95. Sensodyne
96. Space heaters
97. My orthotics
98. Not having to worry too much about what to wear for work
99. Having hope
100. Completing my nineteenth post

Object of my metta practice - none

Reflection of the Day – A couple of birthdays ago, Jessica bought me a self guided insight meditation course that’s been sitting in my Amazon wishlist for quite some time. Twelve years ago, I took part in a rigorous ten day vipassana (insight) meditation retreat. While the experience changed my life, I didn’t always agree with the way this technique was taught to me. At that time, a very active member of the Insight Meditation Society suggested that I should one day look into the way they teach this technique. We both knew that it would be too much of a culture shock coming from the retreat I was on.

Years later and after my practice had lapsed, I decided to give this method a try. I began reading the manual. A lot of the information I knew already. On one hand, I found this refreshing and comforting and on the other, I was growing impatient. My mind began racing – This book is geared toward a beginner. What about me? Alright, I know this shit already. When the fuck can I begin to sit? I really need to tell Jessica that I’m about to meditate so she won’t bother me. How is she going to react to this? How am I going to write about this in my blog.

I then came to a series of simple yet devastating realizations: I am SO not in the present. I think way too fucking much especially about stupid shit. I expend way too much energy on these silly thoughts. No wonder I’m having trouble getting shit done on a consistent basis. Wait, I think I stumbled upon the most compelling reasons for sustaining a strong and constant practice.

When I actually sat down in order to meditate, all my thoughts about me not being a beginner totally became irrelevant. My body would constantly tense up and every minute or so I would need to reposition myself. The guided meditation challenged the listener to see if they can maintain total concentration throughout an entire breath. I couldn’t at first. My mind would wander during the exhalation. I now know that I can just follow this course exactly as written and not worry about whether it’s been written for me.